So I’ve decided to do a Constance.
This has become a bit of a saying between one of my friends and myself. “Are you having a Constance moment? Are you doing a Constance? What would Constance do?”
If you haven’t yet come across Constance Hall, you must be living under a rock…..in a cave…..in Antarctica. Constance is a blogger, author, mother and hard core feminist. She’s a touch more “out there” than vanilla little me, and has an inspiring disregard for what people think of her. She speaks her mind, posts what she wants and stands up for her beliefs and values. And at the end of the day, usually cops a battering for it.
So, in our little friendship, doing a Constance means that you spoke your mind, told the truth, gave your own opinion…….and couldn’t give two hoots about what people thought.
So I am doing a Constance.
I have had a bit of an epiphany in my mid thirties, that the prim and proper teenager and girl of her mid twenties, (I still consider myself prim and proper, I don’t think I’ll ever epiphany myself out of that!) who was so concerned with what people thought, keeping other people happy and thought everyone was judging her is long gone.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m no Constance Hall and never will be. I often read on in awe as she spills the beans about her own latest epiphany, relationship hiccup or emotional meltdown, not scared to put her life out there for others to learn from. But that’s not me. I love to share, love to write and love to blog….but it’s not my personality to put it out there like Constance does.
For me, my “doing a Constance” epiphany came when I realised that I no longer took it personally if someone disliked what I had to say, what I was wearing or even, just disliked me. I realised that my life is too short to try and please everyone and keep everyone happy. That I really had nothing to prove to anyone, except myself. I was no longer that 25 year old, worried about what they thought of what I had to say, what I was wearing or how I was living my life. And my biggest epiphany of all, they probably never thought of it at all!
I have enough belief in my own intelligence to not be worried about having an opinion. I have, at the ripe old age of 35, realised that no one remembers what I wore yesterday and they probably won’t take any notice of what I’m wearing tomorrow. They are too busy with their own chaos to worry about mine, and the people that I spent my twenties trying to prove myself to, probably didn’t even notice!
It’s a nice place to be…...and I wish I had’ve gotten here sooner.
I have worked all weekend. With the slight exception of a few hours when my bestie cooked my family pizzas for lunch, I have been either in my classroom or sitting at my dining room table in front of my lap top.
I don’t have spare time at the moment. If I’m not at work, I’m working at home. If I’m not working at home, I’m at work setting up for my work week!
Wait, I tell a lie! I did go and do the groceries about an hour ago.
And you know what I was thinking about the whole time I did the groceries. You shouldn’t be buying that, too many preservatives. You shouldn’t be buying that, too much sugar. You should be cooking fresh banana bread instead of the pre packaged banana bread in the “health food” section. Maybe you should get a Thermomix (thought I’d throw that one in, just in case Mr Not Another Supermum is reading) You shouldn’t have been short tempered when your son asked you to watch something funny he had found on YouTube this morning. You shouldn’t have said that you were too tired. You shouldn’t be working so much. You shouldn’t be working full time and trying to raise your kids.
And then I got into the car and thought to myself…..
Shut the hell up!
Shut the hell up and give yourself a break!
Your kids are fine. They are not going to die if you give them the rice wheels with the chicken flavouring all over them instead of the plain, cardboard tasting ones. They get where they need to be. They know their parents….ridiculously busy parents…..love them. They also know that if their ridiculously busy parents weren’t working full time, they wouldn’t be able to afford for them to be so busy in the first place!
You’re allowed to snap every now and then. You’re not perfect. You’re not the TV mum that is making you feel completely incompetent. (At the moment, it’s Tea Leoni in Madam Secretary. She is the bloody Secretary of State for the United States of America and still manages to have a perfect relationship with all of her kids, a sex life that would give a 20 year old a run for their money and the dinner on the table. If you haven’t seen it, DON”T. Not good for the mother guilt!)
So, after my epiphany in the front seat of my car, I am declaring today National “Stop with the Mother Guilt and Give Yourself a Break” Day.
Cause none of us are perfect and never will be. I read a great quote the other day which makes me feel a whole lot better this evening.
“Don’t compare yourself with other mums. We are all a hot mess, some of us just hide it better than others.”
Happy Give Yourself a Break Day!